Can someone say anxiety?
The “Wedding Checklist” on TheKnot.com is 8 pages long!
I plan on getting everything done in two months for less than $2000. Suck on that Martha Stewart!
Allison
This is a tumblelog, kinda like a blog but with short-form, mixed-media posts with stuff I like. Scroll down a bit to start reading, or a bit more to read more about me.
Perpetual State of Akwardness
I’m always afraid that if I pee in my dream I’ll wake up with wet sheets…
AMAZING NEW MEME FOR YOUR MEMEBOOK™ PROFILE! DO THIS NOW AND TAG ALL YOUR FRIENDS!
1. In the shower that’s closest to you RIGHT NOW, find and write down the brand name of the first product you find. It doesn’t matter which one, but it has to be the FIRST ONE you see.
2. Pick up the book closest to where you are, whether it’s at home or work. Open up to page 47, and write down the last 4 words on the page.
3. Figure out what the main ingredient (by volume) from the last meal you ate was (you can choose two, if there’s a tie. This is essential). Note the AVERAGE WEB-SAFE COLOR HEXADECIMAL HTML CODE of that ingredient. It doesn’t matter which color it is, as long as it’s the average.
4. Next time you’re in a taxi, write down the driver’s ID number from his or her identification plaque. If you don’t live anywhere near a taxi service, or if you don’t plan on being in one in the next few minutes, you can just use the last 5 digits of your Social Security number. It doesn’t matter what the numbers are, even if they’re slightly embarrassing, but they have to be the LAST FIVE.
5. The name of the first person you ever kissed, plus what you might approximate their current weight to be, even if you haven’t seen them in years and years. This has to be in POUNDS.
6. Convert their weight into kilograms, then BACK into pounds. You have to use Google to find out the conversion equation for this, but it’s worth it. This is essential, and has to be done JUST like this: pounds —> kilograms —> pounds. IMPORTANT, YOU’LL SEE!
7. Find the subject line of the last email you received from your Best Friend, and pick the FIRST WORD.
8. Write all of this down in one place, on ONE piece of paper. It doesn’t matter where you write it, but you MUST write it down on paper, and it has to be on ONE piece only.
9. Go to THIS RANDOM PHOTO SITE, and save whatever image comes up, no matter what it is. Even if it’s copyrighted under a Creative Commons license and the owner will sue you for any derivation thereof.
10. Open up the image in Adobe Photoshop CS3 or earlier (do NOT use CS4! THIS IS IMPORTANT. You may use MSPaint or the equivalent, if you have to. IMPORTANT!). Type out each item line-by-line on your list in Trebuchet MS, right-justified, on the right half of the photo. If you don’t have Trebuchet MS installed on your system, you can use Arial or anything else. But it has to be the first font you think of. IMPORTANT!
11. Repost this everywhere and tag everyone you know on Memebook™! New meme.
Reblogged from Jason Permenter
Rainy Day Cure
image via http://flickr.com/photos/culture-detox/
Turn on Ipod (or that Zune thing if you swing that way)
Find Ashton Allen
Listen to “Dew Drops”
Rinse and Repeat.
The horn section gets me everytime…
HERE’S A FACT ABOUT ME, BUT I’M NOT TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE IT RELATES TO SOME VIRAL INTERNET MEME* THING BECAUSE I’M NOT DOING THAT:
When I was fifteen or so, I took a copied-from-the-video-store VHS tape of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and wrote the novelization of the whole damn thing. Not just the screenplay, not just some random sentences. It was a novel. Also, it was horrible.
I had this crappy, blue spiral-bound notebook and one of those clicky ball-point pens, and in that notebook I wrote down every word of dialogue and stage direction I could, pausing and playing over and over to get things just right. Then, I got to business writing. Took me weeks. I still have the damn thing in storage, somewhere, along with the crappy, blue notebook. The pen’s probably long gone. SORRY, RARE PEN COLLECTORS.
Most of you reading this are at least 1/3 my age, so you just wouldn’t know what VCRs were like back in the day, if you even know what VCRs are. Pausing and playing on an old VCR wasn’t the seamless, blissful activity like it is in the easy-peasy digital world. Oh no, nonono. To PAUSE meant to hit a button the size of Rhode Island and have the tape slow down over the span of about 30 seconds and come to standstill.
REWINDING/FASTFORWARDING to a particular spot in the film wasn’t geared towards stopping on a dime like you kids are used to it, either. It meant pushing a button, counting to ten in your head, pushing PLAY, and hoping that the VHS tape was within about five minutes in either direction of the scene you wanted when it started up again. DVD Chapters my ass. Have fun with your stupid iPods and Netflix WatchMeNow!™ downloads. I hope you choke on ‘em.
So, like I’ve said, that’s what my life was for many weeks. Today, I’m sure there’s an iPhone app that can accurately transcribe an entire movie if you just give it a title, some general themes, a single motif and a director’s first name. Fine. But back then? This was a labo(u)r of love.
ANYWAY. Yesterday, I’m browsing a used book store and found something that’d only been hinted at for the several decades that’ve passed since I wrote that horrible, awful novelization: Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The Book. In it are storyboards, sketches, film stills, production notes, a first draft script and the final working script, among other things. I was pleased, and it brought back nice memories of VCRs and so obviously being a very popular kid that got all the girls anytime he wanted. And so can you.
The. End.
* FUNFACT™: Richard Dawkins coined the word “meme” as a neologism in his book The Selfish Gene (1976) to describe how one might extend evolutionary principles to explain the spread of ideas and cultural phenomena. He gave as examples melodies, catch-phrases, and beliefs (notably religious belief), clothing/fashion, and the technology of building arches.
UPDATE: Here’s my favorite bit from the book (click to zoom):
I reblog this only because I was raised on a hearty diet of all things Python, flying circus and all.
Reblogged from Jason Permenter
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
I realize that Charlie Kaufman is kind of fucked up but I do quite enjoy him…
“Little Person” by JON BRION, sung by DEANNE STOREY, lyrics by CHARLIE KAUFMAN
I’m just a little person,
One person in a sea
Of many little people
Who are not aware of me.
I do my little job
And live my little life,
Eat my little meals,
Miss my little kid and wife
And somewhere, maybe someday,
Maybe somewhere far away,
I’ll find a second little person
who will look at me and say,
I know you,
You’re the one I’ve waited for.
Let’s have some fun.
Life is precious every minute,
and more precious with you in it,
so let’s have some fun.
We’ll take a road trip,way out west.You’re the one,I like the best.
I’m glad I’ve found you,
Like hangin’ ‘round you
You’re the one,I like the best…Somewhere, maybe someday,
Maybe somewhere far away,Somewhere, maybe someday,
Maybe somewhere far away,
Somewhere, maybe someday,
Maybe somewhere far away,
I’ll meet a second little person
And we’ll go out and play.
Reblogged from Happy Hour
Moving my life (and dog) from Facebook, Livejournal and Myspace to Twitter and Tumblr.
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